


Navin

by IllegibleReader



Series: Jonnor [1]
Category: The Fosters (TV 2013)
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-06
Updated: 2015-08-22
Packaged: 2018-04-03 05:10:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 18,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4088161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IllegibleReader/pseuds/IllegibleReader
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As Gavin enters high school, he's nervous, and doesn't know what to expect. But when he befriends Hayden on his first day of school, he suspects the first year wouldn't be hard. The become incredibly close, and one night, Hayden makes the first move, overloading Gavin's system and finally allowing him to cave to his repressed feelings. But when Gavin leaves to Germany to visit his family, it seems Hayden's completely alone to face his problems at home. Hayden decides to go to a party, but it turns out his ex-boyfriend is there. Things happened, and Hayden must confront the consequences of his actions.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Origin

It was Gavin’s first day of high school. He honestly didn’t know what to expect. He didn’t know if he should act cool, or not…

“But then again what is cool?” he thought to himself.

He was extremely confused and anxious. He had come to summer orientation, as was mandatory of all the freshmen, and he had seen a couple of good people he thought he could befriend, but the truth was he was basically alone. He had heard from others that high school was nothing like middle school, but he honestly did not know what to expect.

Gavin had gotten accepted into Engineering and Science High School (E&S for short). He really just went to the school on a whim. His original plan was to go to Science Leadership Academy, but they waitlisted him and eventually declined him entirely. His 8th grade teacher had graduated from E&S and she convinced him to go. There was nothing he could lose, it wasn’t like the school was bad. It was, afterall, a magnet high school, special admission, first in Los Angeles, second in California. In addition to not really caring for the school, he didn’t know what exactly it was he was going to do after high school. He understood he was still young, but even a slight idea was better than nothing at all. He wasn’t really the best student, he considered himself average and didn’t really care much about it. As long as he didn’t bring home a plethora of C’s and absolutely no D’s and F’s his parents left him alone.

Gavin walked into the school, it was 07:30 and the school was already buzzing full of students, most looked like they were in their 20’s others like they were in their 10’s. Ms. Patterson, who was a woman of considerable size, not only in terms of weight but in voice as well, had announced in the cafeteria that all of the freshmen were to look on the windows that surrounded the cafeteria for their “Book number”. Gavin didn’t know exactly what a book number was but it must’ve been important. He walked over to the crystal windows and scanned looking for his number.

“Is it in alphabetical order?” he mumbled to himself

“Yeah.”

He was surprised that anyone had heard him.

“Thanks.” he repeated, turning to face the boy who had answered him.

“Name’s Hayden.” the boy said, extending his hand to shake Gavin’s

“Gavin.” he retorted

“ So what book number are you Gavin?”

“I’m um… One sec… Oh 401. How about you?”

“Same. Guess we’re in the same advisory. It says Ms. Ling. Room 114”

“Cool.” Gavin said.

The bell rung and both boys continued talking about how they got into E&S. Hayden was pretty familiar with the school, his older brother had graduated last year and he had come plenty of times with his mother for Student-Teacher conferences. Room 114 was in the first floor, not to far from the cafeteria actually. Gavin followed Hayden who walked through these big glass doors that were one exit out of the cafeteria. They made a left going through another set of big glass doors, these had already been opened and were being so by this big pole that had a sign above it. Gavin didn’t really read it, he was paying more attention to Hayden and where they were going. They continued straight and Ms. Ling’s room was right there, next to another room, sort of buried into the wall, but it was visible, if you had taken the route they did. When they walked in they noticed the seats were in files. Hayden motioned to Gavin and they sat towards the back of the classroom, on the right hand side (if you’re facing the classroom).

Ms. Ling was a small oriental woman, she was very petite but gave off a very strict and formal aura. When the second bell rung she waited a little longer for the stragglers to come through the doors and began speaking.

“Good morning!” she announced enthusiastically and went on to explain everything about how they would have assemblies to be informed about all of the things that were being planned either for their class as a whole or in the school in general. Ms. Ling also explained the 3 strike rule. The rule was essentially that when you receive your report card, the way in which your eligibility for extracurricular activities was measured was in how many strikes you received. A strike can be given for a 3 in behaviour, out of a scale of 1-3. 3 being unsatisfactory, 2 being satisfactory, and 1 being excellent. A strike can will also be given for an F in any class. Any combination of an F and a 3 which results in 3 or more strikes results in complete ineligibility for any extra-curricular activities in the following quarter. There were no exceptions and Ms. Ling made sure to get across how imperative it was for the freshmen to keep their grades and behaviour well so that they would not miss anything in the upcoming quarters. She finished the shpeal with saying. “ I know that to many of you high school is a new experience, but I promise, the staff is here for your benefit. If you have any problems do not be afraid to appeal to any of us. My best advice for you guys as entering freshmen is to have fun and make sure you balance school and social life.” She paused for a second and walked over to her desk. She continued, “ With that being said. I have your rosters. This is your schedule for the year. I’ll call you guys up one by one. Please forgive me in advance if I mispronounce your name. I will learn it eventually, I promise.”

Hayden got called up first. He walked up, took the roster from Ms. Ling’s hand and looked down and smiled. It made Gavin curious as to what class could he have possibly wanted so badly that he smiled so hard when he received it. Hayden walked back to his seat next to Gavin, not taking his eyes off of his roster, examining it closely. He sat down, still with his eyes glued to the paper.

“Why were you smiling so hard?” Gavin asked, increasingly curious.

“I got gym 1-2 dude!”

Gavin was puzzled. What was 1-2 gym? He opened his mouth to ask exactly that but was cut off by Ms. Ling calling his name. He got up, a little nervous, he didn’t know why, to be frank. He reached the front of the class, smiled at Ms. Ling and took the paper from her hand. He began walking back to his seat looking at the paper. The first thing he noticed was that the roster looked computed. It wasn’t at all how he had expected it, it wasn’t visually appealing. Nor was it in a basic list form. He was scanning through it and saw gym twice on the list. It was the first two things on the list. Hey! He had gym 1-2 as well!

He walked over to Hayden, he was excited, even if it was a little bit. He actually liked Hayden and he was happy he had made a friend on his first day and even more excited that he didn’t have to spend first and second with strangers. When he sat down Hayden asked him what his roster looked like and Gavin told him how they had gym together. Hayden began explaining to Gavin how they only had gym for half of the year, the second half of the year they would have another course, it was the school's way of expediting the credits. You took the class for 96 minutes a day for the first two quarters and you received the credit.

The bell rung and they went off to gym. Turned out that they also had 5th lunch together. and 8th period as well. Gavin was confident that his high school wasn’t as bad as he had expected. He got all of the syllabi and materials he would need for all of his classes so he took them home and went shopping with his mom. But before the day was over, he was sure to get Hayden’s number. He really enjoyed his company. Hayden was actually a really cool person.

 


	2. Origin

It was well into the school year. Past the first quarter actually. Hayden and Gavin had become increasingly close. At first Gavin was a bit reluctant to delve head first into a friendship. Mainly because he was content with his old friends from middle school. But that didn’t last long. It wasn’t that they had forgotten about him, but they just didn’t talk as much. He figured it was because they weren’t really forced to see each other because of school. But the feeling passed and Gavin became much more acquainted with Hayden and a couple of other people. Gavin met this one kid named Nerian, he was a sophomore. He was one of Hayden’s friends. He only really talked to Gavin occasionally, he was mostly dealing with sophomore drama.

Gavin had been doing well in terms of school. He survived the first quarter with one C which actually made him happy. Hayden wasn’t doing the best but he certainly wasn’t the worst. On report card day, there was this one kid who ended up with 7 strikes! Gavin was interested in joining some kind of sport in the school. It was winter so he decided on basketball. Truthfully, Basketball was just a side sport to keep him busy until the true sport came into play. Volleyball.

Gavin had been one of the best volleyball players in his middle school. He was the spiker. His jump was what really caught everyone off guard. It was like he was flying. He was short, well not terribly short, about 5’4. But to be able to jump high enough to get the ball over the net and to beam towards the ground is a very big accomplishment for a 5’4 footer.

Hayden had made it sort of a habit to hang out with Gavin afterschool. Hayden never knew Gavin was part German and Portuguese until he came over in the first few weeks of school to do a project and he heard Gavin talking to his mom in Portuguese. Their relationship was taken to the next step when one day Hayden made a really bold move.

The two had been getting really close. It got to the point where they would finish each other’s sentences and could communicate with just a glance. Hayden’s parents had allowed him to stay over Gavin’s during spring break. The two were basically inseparable. The family went to Hawaii for the week. The boys got to share a room. It was late at night and Gavin’s parents were sleeping next door.

Hayden was in the bathroom taking a shower. Gavin heard the water stop and he knew Hayden was drying up and putting on his pajamas. Gavin had been having these really weird feelings towards Hayden. Like he wanted their friendship to progress. Gavin knew he wasn’t gay. He couldn’t be. He wasn’t. He walked over to the window and looked outside. They were near the beach and he could hear the waves crashing and rolling onto the coast. The sky was a bit cloudy but Gavin admired how the moonlight danced across the water. Kissing it ever so gently as to not disturb the creatures underneath.

“Hey! Gavin! Hello! Earth to Gavin!” Hayden said, snapping his fingers to get Gavin’s attention.

“Huh? What?” Gavin’s face became a puzzle as he turned and faced Hayden, who was now in pajamas. “Sorry. I was just admiring the view.”

Hayden walked over and pushed the curtain so it gave him more access to the window. Their hands brushed together and Gavin felt goosebumps wrapping around his body. “What is this feeling?” he whispered in his head. He moved away from the window, leaving Hayden a little puzzled.

“You okay?” Hayden asked, concern masking his voice

“Yeah. Im good.”

“Well what do you want to do? I’m kind of not tired. And I kind of don’t want to go to sleep.”

“Umm.. I dont know. You wanna just chill?” Gavin said sighing and reposing on the bed

“Chill. Yeah, I guess we can chill. We could just chat until we fall asleep.”

Hayden threw himself on the bed, looking over at Gavin who was facing away from him.

“Any reason you’re facing towards the wall?”

Gavin took a second, breaking his train of thought from the hand-brush earlier.

"No reason. So what do you want to talk about?" asked Gavin

"I actually have something to tell you... " Hayden trailed off.

Gavin's heart sunk into his stomach. He knew what he was going to say. He knew he was going to tell him about how they had been getting close and how Hayden wanted to take things further. But how? How did he know this was going to happen? Why?! Why was it happening!?

Hayden got up from the bed and sat in the space between the two comforters, he motioned for Gavin to sit across from him. He did. They sat with their legs fully extended, right next to each other, touching.

“Go ahead...” Gavin said as he payed more attention to Hayden and how his hair was still damp from the shower and how his brown eyes glowed with a strange fire that Gavin had never seen before. He felt his conscious screaming at him to stop. To look away, to stop admiring the beautiful boy in front of him. But he couldn’t stop. Gavin shut his conscious up and decided to go all the way tonight. He decided he’d go all the way for something he cared about.

“ I uh… I really don’t know how to say this…” Hayden rolled his eyes back, trying to find the right words to describe his feelings for Gavin without freaking him out.

“Dude. Just spit it out.”

“I like you!” the words rushed out of his mouth and stumbled over his tongue. And it felt cathartic, and relieving but there was this tense veil that fell in the spaces between them.

Gavin was speechless in form, but his mind was raging between yes and no. Between wanting to close the space between them and just kiss Hayden and wanting to jump out of the window.

“G. G, please say something!” Hayden implored

“ I… I don’t know what to say.” Gavin explained.

They looked at each other too long to be just friends.

“ The crazy thing is, I feel like you feel, in someway, something like I do. So, is it true? Do you?”

Gavin stood, once again speechless. He tried, formulating the words in his head, but he couldn’t utter them, not yet. He closed his eyes, to think, to ponder what to do. It was like the universe had put Hayden right in front of him. Like the universe has handed him happiness but there was something impeding it. Why couldn’t he just say yes? He felt Hayden shift positions, but Gavin didn’t move. Something about this awkward situation felt too right. Hayden got closer to Gavin, inching ever closer to the sand-haired boy’s face. When Gavin opened his eyes they shot open and he could feel Hayden’s breath on his face. It was exhilarating, he felt his heart in his ears and his fingertips and toes were tingling. His breathing was raggéd and Hayden knew that he was nervous, but he didn’t let up. He got closer, slowly connecting their lips and Gavin closed his eyes, until he felt the full impact of Hayden’s softness resting upon his lips. His mind exploded and a feeling dynamic euphoria rushed through his veins. Hayden felt Gavin tense up under his kiss. Then Gavin reached his hand up, all the while still locked in Hayden’s kiss-lock, and cupped Hayden’s face, relaxing into the kiss. Hayden smiled and released. He rested his forehead against Gavin’s, who now opened his eyes and uttered, “ I do.”


	3. Acceptance

Gavin had seem totally ready to be Hayden’s boyfriend, they talked a lot about themselves, even more than they had before, they never really stated it, but they knew that they would eventually be together. Hayden had noticed that anytime he’d ask Gavin to do something, like for example, hold his hand, he’d hesitate before executing the action. Hayden didn’t mention anything, but he noticed Gavin would get a bit looser as the night went on. They never slept, they just talked and talked, about everything that was on their mind. Hayden told Gavin about when he started liking him and why he did what he did that night. He was honestly scared shitless, but he had to do it, for himself, he told Gavin. Gavin was happy though, he felt every inch of his body screaming at him, that it was wrong, but he was happy. The day after was a bit awkward for the both of them. Hayden didn’t want to make any sudden moves that would make Gavin uncomfortable in front of his family, so he lightly kicked Gavin under the hotel table. Gavin looked over at Hayden, gave him a smirk and looked away…. Hayden knew something was wrong, was he too forward? Did he lose Gavin as a friend? He began to panic, only to be relieved by remembering that Gavin had told him he felt the same way. But if he did, why was he acting like this?

A couple of months had passed since that night. In the days following the vacation, Gavin texted Hayden and he explained to him about his reluctance during that night. Hayden told him how he noticed his hesitation. Gavin also explained how he wanted to be with Hayden, he really did, but he was afraid and he didn’t know why. Hayden told him that if he was afraid of being labeled, they could keep their relationship a secret, until Gavin wanted to. Gavin fancied the idea and that’s how their relationship progressed. As the time went on, and the school drew to a close, Gavin became more relaxed with Hayden. It felt natural for Gavin to hold his hand, or kiss him, in private. They had to be hypervigilant, that was the only way Gavin felt comfortable with the relationship. But having surpassed that hardship, more or less, Gavin found out that he was going to Germany to visit his family from his father’s side for the entire summer.

Hayden wasn’t particularly thrilled about the news, especially since he knew that even if Gavin’s parents had said he could tag along, his own parents would negate the option. Hayden simple had to put aside his feelings for those of his boyfriend’s who was leaving the country and going thousands of miles away for 3 entire months.

 


	4. Time To Say Goodbye

They arrived at the airport, Hayden helped Gavin unload his stuff, they walked through the lanes, finding Gavin’s ticket, getting him ready for his flight to Germany.

“Mãe, nós vamos para o banheiro,” Gavin said pointing to the bathroom.

“Okay,” his mother retorted

“Só não dures muito, lembra que só temos umos minutinhos antes que nós temos que ir embora.” His mother added

“Tá bom, mae,” Gavin said.

They walked to the bathroom, calm, but their hearts were beating rapidly. Once they got into the bathroom Hayden quickly closed the door and rushed over to Gavin, cupping his face with both hands and kissing him passionately, but softly.

“Wow.” Gavin sighed, pulling away slightly.

“I don’t want you to go without giving me one last chance to steal your breath away.”

“I really am going to miss you,” Gavin explained, looking down to the floor.

“As long as I get to see your beautiful face at least once a week and hear your beautiful voice at least once a day, I think I’ll be okay.” Hayden reassured him.

They spent the rest of the little bit of time they had been allotted holding hands and simply enjoying each other’s presence.

Gavin’s phone began to vibrate, it was his mother.

“Meu filho, aonde você está? Quasi é tempo.”

“Tá mãe. Eu vou agora.”

With that they unlocked from their embrace and walked out of the bathroom, heading towards the gate. They got there and they hugged, “ I’ll call you when I get there,” Gavin reassured him.

“Vamos.” Gavin’s father said and he walked to the plane, boarded it and left.

Hayden went back home and awaited the call.

Ten hours had passed.

“Hey!” Gavin exclaimed over the phone.

“How was the flight?”

“It was… ummm… long.” Sighed Gavin

“ Like really long,” He chuckled

“Where are you now?”

“I’m at my Oma’s house, that’s like German for granny,” He chuckled again

“Okay Mr. Germany.”

“Hey, listen, I’ll have to call you later okay? We’re going out somewhere.”

Hayden was reluctant, but he said okay and just as Gavin was about to hang up, he heard indistinctive words in the background, he figured it was German and then the line went dead.

 Things were going well, at least for one person.

Everytime they video chatted, Hayden was hearing about all the things Gavin was doing with his family in Hamburg (Hamburg was the place where Gavin’s grandparents lived). He heard about Gavin going to the Alster which is this river that runs through Germany and one of Hamburg’s biggest attractions. He heard about the time when his father took him to Freibad, the amusement park that he went to when he was a child. His father took him around to all the places he had gone when he was young and every time they talked Gavin always had a smile on his face. He seemed to be enjoying Germany, even though he barely spoke the language. Hayden, always tried to smile, for Gavin, he didn’t want to ruin his mojo. But things were becoming increasingly difficult in his household. Stef and Lena, Hayden’s adoptive mothers were fighting, and at first it was just small arguments, but then it began escalating and to Hayden it frankly scared him, he was afraid that he’d be removed from the home and he couldn’t deal with that, especially since Gavin was so far away. One night, before going to sleep, Hayden and Gavin were on Skype and Hayden explained to Gavin what was happening. About the fighting, Gavin tried his best, to soothe the aches of his boyfriend with words, but it just wasn’t enough, wasn’t the same as having him there, to hold, to touch.

“G, there’s a party tonight, at Giovanni’s house, I think it might be a good idea to go, might be good to just get out of the house for one night.” Hayden proposed.

“Giovanni’s house? Like, Alisa’s Giovanni? The one who fucked me over during the school year?” Gavin inquired, sounding a bit angry, his smile fading slightly.

“Yeah, I know, but I want to go to the party, it just so happens that he is the one throwing it.”

“I don’t know if i’m completely comfortable with you attending a party that someone I don’t like is throwing.”

“Okay.” Hayden sighed. Disappointment sweeping his face. He bowed his head, and quirked at the sound of Gavin uttering the all too familiar nickname.

“Amor, okay, I see how much you’re afflicted by your moms fighting, and I’m sorry I can’t be there to make you feel better. I’m okay with you going to the party, but you have to make me a promise.”

“What is it?”

“Promise me you won’t drink. Or if you do, promise me you won’t get drunk; I know how you are when you get drunk and I really don’t like it.”

“I promise.”

They both reached towards the screen, index finger touching it, they tried their best to match their fingers, to simulate the “touch” of the promise and made do with what they got, they both giggled as they struggled to align their fingers together and eventually ceased trying. They weren’t on for much longer, Germany was 8 hours away, which meant that when Hayden was sleeping, Gavin was just starting his day. Before he left, Gavin told Hayden that his cousins were taking him out to meet his other family in Frankfurt. Gavin was alone in his room, so he puckered his lips and kissed Hayden goodbye, and with a wink, the line ended and Hayden was left alone once again.

 


	5. Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things

Hayden looked at his watch; yeah people still used those, and saw that it was around 10 o'clock. He lay back in his bed and began to think about what he should do. He got permission to go to the party, well it wasn't permission because Gavin wasn't his boss or anything, but things always went a lot smoother when they both agreed on something. So he knew that he was definitely going to go to the party that night, but first he had to check what time it was going to start at. He pulled out his phone and texted Taylor, his best friend, aside from Nerian, who he confided his relationship stuff to. He asked Taylor what time the party started:

Taylor: Why do you want to know?

Hayden: Well, I just want to know, I might be interested in going

Taylor: Is G cool with this?

Hayden: Yeah, why do you ask?

Taylor: Well, Gio is the one hosting the party, just kinda thought G wouldn't let you go, since they sorta hate each other.

Hayden: Well Gavin said that I could go, so what time does it start?

Taylor: Like 12-ish

Hayden: Okay well can you meet me at the park so we can go together?

Taylor: Yeah I'll just fly over on my magic carpet and we can sing Aladdin on the way to the party

Hayden: Just meet me at the park

Taylor: kk.

With that Hayden decided to take a shower and an hour nap, he knew Taylor would be late to the place anyways so he didn't really bother rushing or anything. He took his time in the bathroom. Letting the hot water run through his hair and down his body. He liked the way the warmth wrapped around him, like a liquid blanket, lulling him to sleep. He closed his eyes and stood under the flowing water, running his fingers through his hair to move it away from his face. He got out of the shower, dried himself and threw a pair of boxers on. It was summer, and it was hot outside, and inside as well, so he walked over to the light switch and turned the ceiling fan on. One might think it's counterintuitive to take a shower with hot water in the summer when it's already hot, but if you enjoy hot showers and you don't dry yourself completely, and you have a fan, that blazing room will start to feel really cold once the air starts evaporating the leftover water from your skin. Hayden knew this and when he turned the fan on, he threw himself on the bed, one knee bent and one arm under the pillow, making himself comfortable. He felt his phone vibrate, and let out a grunt because he was ready to just sleep. He unfixed himself and rolled over, looking at the text from Nerian. He was just asking about how he was getting to Gio's party, Hayden guessed that Taylor told him. Hayden said that if Nerian could take then that would be awesome, Nerian didn't have a problem with that. After all, he did have his license. Hayden proceeded to sleep, or at least try to, his consciousness began to wane and eventually he fell asleep. It didn't feel like long before his alarm was waking him up, making his jump from his sleeping position. He shuffled a bit, and rolled off of the bed, and stood up. He walked over to the bathroom, well more like a drowsy waltz, and placed his hands at the ends of the sink, supporting his weight. He looked at the mirror, saw his eyes were red, not completely, but it was evident he had just woken up. He took the toothbrush and brushed his teeth, looked at his watch and saw that it was 11:45, plenty of time to meet Taylor at the park and have Nerian take them both to the party.

He went out, got dressed, checked to see that Stef and Lena were sleeping, well enough that they wouldn't hear him sneaking out, and he climbed out of the bedroom window. He was walking through the streets, in the night, it felt good, the cool air against his face. It helped to wake him up and the red from his eyes faded. He walked to the park and sat in he swings, he texted Taylor and Nerian to let them know he was already there. Taylor arrived first; her and Hayden sat and talked while they waited for Nerian. He arrived in a short time and just like that they were off to the party

Nerian drove an Acura Integra, 1996, manual w/ clutch. Slammed, with tinted windows, clean pearlescent blue and green body, red Honda badges, a year 2000 front end, Sick toe strap in the front, year 2000 head and tail lights, no exhaust, BWR Lower Control Arm (LCA), open headers straight pipe, hub caps, and a panoramic mirror. His older brother is a mechanic in Anaheim. He taught Nerian how to drive clutch when he was about 13, Nerian knew how to drive automatic by the time he was 10, all that was left was manual and manual w/ clutch. Nerian preferred the latter; it gave him more control of the vehicle. Tessi, what Nerian called his car, was only a two door car. Nerian brought his girlfriend with him, which meant that Taylor and Hayden had to go in the back, with Nerian's 6 and a half Nemesis with fiberglass and built in tweeters and his 12 inch Sony Explodes speakers.

Nerian pulled up in front of Gio's house, they weren't the first ones there, the party had already started and they heard the screams and splashes that were coming from behind the house. Gio's house was a two story, dream house, basically.

It had 6 rooms, all with sufficient space to hold a couch and a king size bed. He has a game room, with a wall lined with all of the consoles he's ever played. From Saga, to Nintendo 64, to GameCube, to all the series of PSP's, even the Wii and WiiU. The Game Room had a pool table on one side, and a pinball machine, it had an Air Hockey table, close to the wall. The room also had a veil that could be pulled down the middle to divide the game room from physical games, to video games. The video games side had the wall with all of the systems and a 70-inch 1080p Smart LED HDTV plastered to the wall. The room was ventilated by central air and each side of the room had its own thermometer. Gio's room was at the end of the house, right in view of the in ground, 15 ft pool. Gio had a king sized tempurpedic bed, with a bean bag, and a couch in his room. He had a 60-inch 1080p Smart LED HDTV. His room was simple, but it was huge. He had a walk in closet, big enough for a wall for his shoes, his shirts and his pants. There a bench inside for him to sit on while he got ready in the morning. His room had a bathroom, with a walk in shower. His patio was even bigger than his house. Gio's family owned acres of land, but they only used a little of it. The pool stretched a length of a total of 30 yards, a bit longer than a regular 25 yard pool to accommodate for the extra 3 feet of depth. The backyard also had a Jacuzzi that seats 10, with 100 jets.

Hayden and Taylor walked behind Nerian and his girlfriend when they exited the car, but only until they met their friends and left Taylor and Hayden alone. The two walked around to the back of the house to have the life of the party revealed to them. They began walking when suddenly a voice shouted for Hayden:

"Yo! Is that Hayden Byerly?!" Giovanni exclaimed, waltzing over to Hayden, a bit confused

"Hey Gio," Hayden responded

"Gavin let you come?!" Giovanni asked, raising an eyebrow in intrigue

"YES! WHAT THE HELL HE'S NOT MY OWNER!" Hayden screamed, his face darkening an angry red

"Woah. Okay. Chillax dude. Cool" Gio responded, brushing off the indirect insult.

Giovanni grabbed Hayden, threw his arm around his shoulder and forced a drink in his hand, turned him, pushed him forward and screamed, "Enjoy the party Byerly!"

Hayden began walking, turned to see that Taylor had already found someone that she fancied and Hayden knew that walking back for her would only gain him a week's worth of dirty looks, that, he knew, he could live without. He walked into the kitchen from the backyard, passing the sliding doors and entering a room full of "Chug! Chug! Chug!" He kept walking; it had been a while since he had come to Giovanni's house, he wanted to know how much it had changed. He went upstairs, passing drunken teenagers making out with each other, unaware of what was going on around them beside the stranger's lips. Everything seemed to be the way it was last time he had visited, before Gavin and Giovanni had their little altercation. He walked to the game room, interested in whether Gio had attained any new games. Taking gradual sips of his drink, Hayden passed Nerian and his girlfriend kissing and groping each other on his way to the game room, the music was loud, the base struck even inside the house, he remembered that the Game Room was soundproof and figured that was the best place to go if he was to enjoy himself in the party.

He pushed the already open door to the game room and found, to no surprise, that the veil had been set, there were cups everywhere, and crumbs scattered around the floor. There was a couple making out on top of the pool table, two kids were using the Air Hockey table and the Pinball machine was untouched. Hayden walked over to the other side; lifting the veil and feeling his chest sink to the floor, like it weighed a ton. He never expected to see him at the party, not ever. He regretted ever asking Gavin for permission, he knew it wasn't a good idea, but he never thought he'd see him of all people. Hayden dropped the veil and turned around, chugging his entire drink while speed walking out of the game room. He rushed downstairs, in desperate search of Nerian, to tell him what just happened but Nerian was nowhere to be found. Hayden rushed out into the backyard, he muttered, "I'm too sober for this shit." And went to take care of that.

Hayden was alone, and numb (drunk). He heard the voice, his voice, he knew he was talking to him, but at that point, he didn't care, he was too drunk to care about anything. He knew he promised G that he wouldn't drink, but he didn't know James was going to show up; he justified the breaking of the promise to himself. He would feel bad, but he was just too wasted.

"Hey…" James said, screaming/whispering, just enough for Hayden to hear through the music

"What do you want James, I don't exactly want to see you right now." Hayden hissed, spewing malice with each word.

"I didn't expect to see you at this party,"

"What do you want?"

"To talk about what happened between us, I know we didn't exactly leave off at the best of terms, and I'm sorry."

"You've apologized enough, I'm done hearing sorries from you, I came to this party to enjoy myself, having you hear is killing my buzz."

Hayden began walking away, only to be stopped short by James' grip on his arm.

"Please. Let me explain myself, hear me out. Losing you was the worst mistake I've ever made, please let me at least lessen the pain, for the both of us."

"I don't feel anything for you. I don't need you. I've moved-"

James pressed his lips onto Hayden shutting him up. Hayden kissed him back, memories flooding of when they were together. Hayden felt his heart beating in his head, he pulled back, dazed.

"What the hell. Why the hell did you do that?!"

"Because I still want you and I think you still want me too."

With that, James kissed Hayden again, this time emotions flooding Hayden's mind, about his problems at home, with his moms, and with Gavin away, this was the closest he could get to physical comfort. He gave up, broke, ceased. He took James and kissed him back.

Without a word, they both went upstairs to the guest room, the one Giovanni told Hayden they never used.


	6. Blind Faith

“Hey, why haven’t you been answering my calls?”

“Sorry G. I’ve been busy…” Hayden released without looking up at Gavin

“Too busy to talk to your boyfriend?!” Gavin questioned, a smirk rolling through his face. But Hayden couldn’t look at him, not after what he had done at the party with James. It had been 3 weeks since that night. He had purposely been avoiding Gavin, he couldn’t bring himself to look him in the eyes after having cheated on him with his ex boyfriend.

Hayden said nothing.

“Babe, are you okay?”

“Yeah…”

“You don’t look okay.” Gavin stated plainly.

“I’m fine! Okay!” Hayden screamed, his brows furrowing, anger heating his face a vibrant red.

Gavin turned his head, pensive in what he was going to say, hurt, evidently. Hayden looked up at his boyfriend, disgusted at himself, angry at himself, mainly because of what had happened but now he screamed at Gavin for no reason. The weight of everything crushed him and choked the air from his lungs.

Gavin’s mother walked into the room, said something in Portuguese and he faced the camera. Looking directly at Hayden he said, with a smile:

“Hey, I know you’re stressed, and i’m sorry im not there to comfort you. I’d’ve thought the party would’ve helped you, but if it didn’t, I can’t be angry with you for your outbursts. But baby, you’ve got to talk to me, I know i’m in Germany but I want to do what I can to comfort you. I have to go, my grandfather’s taking me out to where my dad grew up. I love you.”

The words rushed over Hayden like a wave of fire. Burning him from tip to toe. The screen reverted to the home screen of Lena, Stef and him in their all-to familiar snuggle-hug. The dam behind Hayden’s eyes broke and the tears flowed forward like rain in a summer storm. Accompanied by the crack of thunder that landed on his head, Hayden tried to justify some way to make things any kind of okay.  But at this point it was impossible, he had fucked up beyond measure and the worst part was that he had dragged Gavin into it, dragged him into his sin and disgrace. He didn’t like lying to him and felt even more horrible at how understanding Gavin was. Understanding and wholly oblivious to the massive betrayal that had been laid upon him. It might seem a little exaggerated, but the truth was that Gavin was never really ready to come to terms with his sexuality. Hayden had always known that he liked boys, a lot more than he liked girls, and with Gavin in the picture he had everything he had ever wanted. Gavin was everything that Hayden could’ve possibly dreamed of in a boyfriend. Gavin, likewise, found Hayden immensely attractive, thus the questioning of his preconceived sexuality. With the opportunity to date your best friend, Gavin took a huge chance. But he felt it in his heart that it was the right thing to do and he felt good about that decision, even if it meant going against everything he was taught.

Hayden dried his tears, his shirt draining the moisture from his irritated eyes. He had talked to Nerian about the situation, the older boy listened attently, and gave Hayden the best advice he could, regardless of how Hayden reacted. Nerian told Hayden that he didn’t deserve to have Gavin, who was wholly innocent and entirely too loving, as a boyfriend. His act of cheating was either a blatant disrespect to the relationship or a similarly blatant show of Hayden’s lack of love for Gavin. But Nerian wasn’t entirely insensitive, he understood Hayden’s point of view, but simply because he understood it, didn’t mean he agreed with it. Nerian knew how Gavin would feel, he had been in similar situation with his previous girlfriend. He told Hayden that at the party it was obvious that he and James were together, or at least together for that one night. Even Giovanni was aware of what was happening, he had seen it when James planted the kiss on Hayde and when Hayden returned it. Thus Nerian deduced that if Hayden didn’t tell Gavin himself, the truth would come to light regardless and if it was someone else who told Gavin, the consequence would ultimately be much steeper.

Hayden was conflicted, he was afraid of how Gavin would react had he confessed to cheating on him, on top of breaking his promise. But he was also afraid, maybe even more so, of how Gavin would react had someone else told him.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------

School finally arrived, Gavin had come home a bit before then, a week or so, but he and Hayden had no time to hang out because firstly Gavin had to get accustomed to the time difference,  secondly, he needed to get everything in order for the start of the school year. With only one week of preparation, time was tight for him. So literally the first time Hayden got to see his boyfriend was on the first day of school.

Hayden walked into school, still a bit down about what had happened a the party but he assumed since it hadn’t blown up in his face yet, he could just forget about it. He sat with his friends, they were at their table, well it had just become their table last year. He wasn’t entirely too early or too late, the cafeteria was loud and teeming with life. Hayden had been catching up with his friend Michell when he felt someone tap his shoulder. At first he thought it was Taylor, who usually likes to play games with him so he turned opposite the tap. As he turned he caught a glimpse of the freckles sprinkled across the now slightly darker boys face. When he turned all the way he saw the hazel eyes with their subtle glow; the sand coloured hair that complemented the boys skin perfectly. Hayden’s mouth curved into a smile, and his arms immediately lunged forward to embrace, finally, after all of these months, his best friend and boyfriend.

“I missed you too.”

The morning began perfectly. Gavin sat with his friends and he began telling them stories about his time in Germany, or Deutschland, as he prefered to call it. The bell rung and they went to their advisory to start a new year of drama and about as crazy as things can get for teenagers in high school.

Everything was fine, with Gavin back, Hayden felt more comfortable to deal with his problems at home which had actually subsided a bit. Stef and Lena were doing couples counseling and things seemed to start getting better for everyone. But that sense of serenity didn’t last long at all.


	7. I See Your True Colours.... That's Why I Hate You

“ I want to tell people ,” Gavin said, turning his head from the tv to see his boyfriend.

“Are you sure? How come?”

“Yeah. I was thinking about it when I was in Deutschland. I was afraid, because I never thought I was anything but straight until I met you,” Gavin placed  hand on Hayden’s cheek, which was now turning red. “ I don’t want to be afraid of showing you affection in school anymore. I want to hold your hands down the hall and I want to be able to kiss you before you go to class, and do all the things all the other couples do. I’ve hid long enough inside of myself, I want to share you with the world.”

“I can do that. But are you sure?”

“I am.”

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Some time had passed since Gavin and Hayden decided they should make their relationship public. Once they did things were bittersweet. They decided they would start with their friends, tell them and let the word spread around. Some people came directly to them and asked. When they answered yes the reactions were varied, some would say, “ I kind of figured.” others would say, “ Really?! I had no idea.” Some would even say, “ awww you guys make such a cute couple.” But there were darker responses, one kid told them they would go to hell for liking each other, Gavin told him off, leaving him with an, “ If you don’t like us so much don’t involve yourself in our life you hypocritical piece of shit!” But things were going smooth for them both. Gavin discovered that Nerian had known about the relationship and Taylor suspected but was always afraid of asking. Gavin wasn’t upset that Hayden told Nerian, he was, afterall, a really cool person and since he had never said anything about the relationship before, Gavin reasoned it couldn’t have been that big a deal.

With things going so smoothly in school, and at home, Hayden’s memory of the party had began to fade. But he should’ve taken Nerian’s advice, about telling Gavin, maybe then he could’ve conserved some kind of relationship with him.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Giovanni walked up to Gavin, a bit hesitant at first, because he knew that Gavin still didn’t like him, but this was the only time he could find him without Hayden. Gavin turned and saw that Giovanni was walking towards him, his face changed and his eyebrows furrowed, his face grew hot with anger but it was subtle, definitely not as vibrant or as pure as it had been last year.

“Can I talk to you, please?” Giovanni asked, trying to assuage some of his anger with being polite instead of less than tactful.

“What could you possibly have to talk to me about Giovanni?” Gavin hissed

“ Listen,  know you’re still angry with me about what happened, but I think you should know something about your little “boyfriend”

“Be careful what you say Giovanni, you’re treading on razor thin ice right now.”

Irritated that Gavin couldn’t put aside their differences and talk to him like men, Giovanni changed his tone in hopes of getting a better response off of Gavin.

“Look, we can do this in private like I asked you to or we can do this in front of your friends, it honestly doesn’t bother me in the least.”

“What’s so important you can’t tell me here?”

“It’s about Hayden, Gavin. Unless you want your friends all in your business I suggest you give me some time, alone, to tell you what I need to tell you.”

Gavin, dubious, as is expected, and similarly reluctant followed Giovanni to a corner of the cafeteria.

“Listen, I know how this is going to sound, and I know that you’re going to think that I’m just saying this to hurt you,” Gavin’s heart tingles a bit, “ But we were friends once, and I still care about you as a person. So for the sake of our old friendship I’m doing this for you. Hayden is not who he says he is. There really is no easy way to say this, so I’m just going to tell you directly. At the party, I saw Hayden get drunk and hook up with his ex, James.”

Gavin’s heart skipped an entire beat, it felt like the world was gone, and he was standing on nothing. The only thing keeping him earthbound was his eye contact with Giovanni; who walked away after delivering the message as if he was a robot and that was all he was programmed for. Gavin stood, motionless, pensive, dubious, he grew angry at Giovanni for trying to sabotage his relationship. He knew Hayden would never do anything like that, especially since he made him promise that he wouldn’t get drunk. And who the hell was James?! Gavin had never heard of anybody in Hayden’s life named James. He ran over, placed his hand on Giovanni’s shoulder and forced him to turn around.

“Why the hell are you lying Giovanni? Why are you accusing my boyfriend of cheating? I’ve got no good reason to not end this day with my fist lodged in your throat.” Gavin growled

“ You might think I’m trying to ruin your relationship, but if you don’t believe me just ask him yourself.”

With that the bell rung and lunch was over. Giovanni walked away from Gavin, seemingly undisturbed but released a sigh of relief when he was far away enough that he was sure Gavin couldn’t hear him. Giovanni was convinced Gavin would flip out, if there was anything that boy was known for, it was his anger issues.

Gavin stood in the cafeteria, lingered a little past the bell, running through his head what had just happened, was Giovanni telling the truth? “Why am I putting Gio’s words above Hayden’s? He’s done nothing to not have my full trust.”

Gavin went straight to Hayden after school, to tell him about what Giovanni had said. Hayden was with Nerian and Taylor at his locker, they were talking about something when Gavin came in and Hayden stopped what he was doing and gave him a kiss.

“Hey, I’m almost done here if you could just wait a little bit then we could leave.”

“I actually have to talk to you about something.”

The atmosphere immediately turned tense and Hayden’s heart began to beat rapidly.

“Giovanni came up to me at lunch,” His mouth became dry and his eyes grew wide, “ He said that when you were at the party something happened.”

With that Nerian huffed and grabbed Taylor’s hand to lead her away from what was about to happen, he knew Gavin was going to find out and the sight was definitely not something he wanted her to be there for. Nerian warned Hayden to tell him as soon as possible, and worse yet, it came from Giovanni. How was it possible someone that Gavin hates had more courage to tell him the mistake than his own boyfriend, who he was definitely in love with and trusted wholeheartedly.

Hayden couldn’t say anything. The lump that was building up in his throat was suffocating him.

“Hayden, tell me what happened. Giovanni said that you got drunk and hooked up with your ex boyfriend.”

Hayden’s heart dropped through the floor. He was angry, at Giovanni, at himself mainly for not taking Nerian’s advice and telling Gavin sooner.

“ Tell me he wasn’t telling the truth Hayden.” Gavin’s voice grew a bit more commanding, but Hayden couldn’t do anything. He couldn’t speak, the disappointment ran through his veins, restricting his movement. But Hayden knew he had to confess, this was his only chance, maybe he could stop things from escalating any further.

“Yes. It happened.” Hayden whispered.

“What? What did you say?!”

“It happened! Okay! You were gone! I needed someone there!”

“Oh. My. God.” Tears welled up behind Gavin’s eyes. But his anger quickly eclipsed all other emotions. He grabbed Hayden by his shirt, cocked back his fist, Hayden closed his eyes, afraid that Gavin would actually hit him. Gavin’s face was burning red, anger more pure than anything he had ever felt before. He let his fist fly, into the locker right next to Hayden. His knuckle was bleeding and he let Hayden go.

“Fuck you. We’re done.” The calmness in Gavin’s voice was truly terrifying, it was the dry kind of anger. The one which he couldn’t control.

With that Gavin stormed away, leaving Hayden to feel his legs buckle under him and fall to the ground, cupping his hands into his face and watching the tears fall to the ground. When Gavin walked to the stairway, he stopped, his back still facing Hayden, he punched the door before pushing through it and leaving Hayden’s sight.

Nerian and Taylor came to comfort Hayden who felt utterly defeated.

 


	8. When I Think Of You I Shred Myself

Gavin left the school. He couldn’t stay there. He felt this hole in his chest; it was empty, but aching at the same time. He’d been hurt before, when he was younger, when he lost his teddy bear or when his friend broke his favourite toy, but never, not even when he fell off his skateboard and broke some ribs and an arm had he ever hurt as intensely as he had now. He had gone to his locker and grabbed his book bag and his cruiser before leaving. It was actually quite easy to leave the school, since it was too early in the school year he couldn’t simply scan in and walk out but he knew that the stairway near Ms. Ling’s old classroom was a perfect way to leave. Though there were cameras all around the ones in that stairway didn’t work and the emergency exit that “rang” never did and it was always open. The bell rung again and he just had to wait until everyone cleared the hallways so that he could leave. He waited on the second floor and saw Nerian turn the corner, he was sure he had been with Hayden. He was approaching Gavin, who honestly at this point just didn’t want to be bothered. He hid his emotions though, enough for him to talk to Nerian without falling apart.

“Listen, if you need someone to talk to…. I’m here for you bro.” Nerian said, compassion bubbling to the surface

“Thanks Nere.” Gavin said, trying to hold himself steady

“I’ll check the coast for you, don’t worry about it.”

They walked down the stairs since the masses had diluted form the halls. Nerian walked forward, checked both ways before giving Gavin the index-and-middle-finger-together wave signaling the coast was clear. Gavin rushed out of the doors and walked straight until he was out of the school’s sight.

He propped himself up against the wall, holding his face in his hand with his cruiser alongside him. The tears fell like bullets to the ground and his eyes felt heavy from the pain in his chest. He rubbed his eyes dry, as best he could; the tears were still falling despite his trying to stop it, turned and banged his fist against the wall.

He felt so hurt and betrayed. He kept playing back what happened and it was as if it happened all over again. He needed to get home, he didn’t like crying in public, he preferred to fight his battles alone, in the privacy of his room. He kicked the cruiser in the butt and it flipped up and he caught it with his hand, he dropped it back down and maintained it at a diagonal angel with his foot at the end. He reached into his bag and took his headphones and phone out. He saw 7 missed calls from Hayden, and felt it vibrate as his name flashed on the screen. He declined the call, put his phone on airplane mode, plugged his headphones in and put Welcome Home by Coheed and Cambria on full blast. He placed his phone in his pocket, took the cruiser in his hand and took to the streets.

He kicked off, left foot in from of right, the music drowning his emotions. It was hard, to keep the tears from falling and riding on the cruiser at the same time, he felt unbalanced, and it was dangerous, but there was no faster way to get home and he couldn’t catch the bus, that would leave him too much time to think, too much time to let the emotions sink back in. At least with the cruiser he could distract himself, trying not to fall off. He managed to get home without busting his ass on the pavement. No one was home. He walked to the front door and unlocked it, feeling the cool of his house rush over and soothe the heat emanating from his body. He threw his book bag on his side and took his shoes off, placed them on the shoe stand and propped his cruiser against the wall and went upstairs. There was nothing he could do to stop himself from crying, especially since he was finally home. He wailed, it was heart wrenching, honestly. He had never felt like that for anyone and it was like he got it thrown in his face. He trusted Hayden with everything he had and it was a very big deal to him. Hayden was the one person who he felt wholly connected to. He wanted to believe that none of this was true, but he just sat there, on the edge of his bed, his hands cupping his face, staring at the floor, headphones in, feeling…. Nothing.The hours had passed and his mother and father came home. By that time, Gavin had managed to cry out enough of his hurt to seem okay. After dinner he went upstairs and continued to cry, but it was silent, more like a sorrow weeping, he didn’t want his mother or his father to hear. But the headphones were loud and he thought everyone was asleep when his mother entered the room and caught him by surprise. He tried to play it off but she wasn’t buying any of it. “Gordo, are you okay?”

“Mãe, mãe…”Gavin could barely talk through the tears choking him. He was debating whether to tell his mother or not, tell her the truth, about the party, about Hayden, about the betrayal.

“Is it Hayden? Did you guys break up or something?” Gavin’s chest tightened and his head perked up, eyes wide and filled with confusion.

“Mom how did you know about that?!”

“I’ve known since before we left for Germany, I never said anything because I wanted you to tell me. I remember the first time I fell in love, I saw the looks you guys gave each other, there was no doubt, and a mother knows her son.”

“Does dad know?”

“He knows. But why were you crying Gordo?” His mother asked him, bringing him closer into an embrace, burying his head in the nook between her neck and shoulder.Gavin was relieved, at least for a little. His parents had known about him liking Hayden and them dating. The best part was that they never made a big deal about it; all they really cared about what that he was happy. They a huge load off of him because now all he had to worry about was getting over Hayden. He didn’t have to worry about hiding things from them, especially things as big as that.He told her. He told her the truth, about the party, about Giovanni coming up to him at the school and about the confrontation with Hayden. He showed her his fist that was raw and thumping from the impact of the metal locker. She rushed out and brought back the first aid kit to tend to the battered hand.They talked for a little bit, but Gavin was falling asleep, the day had really taken a lot from him. His mother kissed him on the forehead and told him that if he didn’t want to go to school tomorrow he didn’t have to. But Gavin knew, no matter how hard things were, that he had to push through, he knew he wasn’t going to let it drag him down too far. That night he dreamed about Hayden and awoke sweating and panting. The night was long, because he was still crying when sunrise came. He honestly didn’t want to go to school. He wanted to stay home, alone, where he didn’t have to see Hayden, where he didn’t have to pass him in the hall and act like what they had was nothing, didn’t have to explain to people that they were no longer dating, just didn’t have to deal with it all. But he had to go; he couldn’t stay at home, no matter what happened, it just wasn’t him. He never stopped skating because he fell and got hurt, he couldn’t just stop life because he fell down and got hurt. His father drove him to school. He noticed the empty look on his face and hated that he couldn’t do anything about it. Just before Gavin left the car his dad stopped him and told him something he would never forget.“Gordo, listen. I know that these sorts of things aren’t easy. But if Hayden did what he did, it was never your fault. Don’t blame yourself for someone else’s mistake. Don’t light yourself ablaze to keep someone else warm.” He kissed him on the forehead and whispered, “Ich liebe dich, Sohn” (“I love you, son” in German)

\---------------------------------------------

Gavin walked into the school, dread swirling inside of his stomach. He didn’t want to run into Hayden. He walked into the lunchroom, which was where everyone who got there before 7:50 went. He walked over to his table of friends, and suddenly a thought popped into his head. What would Hayden do? Now that Gavin was hurting and still very angry at him, would he attempt to still hang out with his friends? Were they really his friends or their friends? He said hi to everyone, shaking hands and hugging, and he spotted Nerian who was at the table that Nerian’s group of friends had claimed since their freshman year. He didn’t want to talk to anyone, and he felt weird just walking to Nerian especially since he knew that he and Hayden were close. He just stood there, feeling fucking horrible, it’s not even that you’re feeling anything it was like his anger grew and subsided and then his sadness consumed him and it was just this constant array of emotions traveling through him. But physically he would just stand there, staring at the ground. Nerian walked over though, Nerian was the kind of person who was empathetic. Too empathetic, his heart was big, extremely big. He knew what a lot of things felt like and he knew all too well how it felt to get his heart destroyed. He walked over to Gavin, who although didn’t want to be bothered didn’t mind having Nerian there. But Nerian didn’t talk; he just hugged Gavin who broke down in his arms.The weeks following the break up were all mixed with different feelings. Gavin felt his heart drop and his chest cave every time he saw Hayden in the hallways. Hayden had tried to talk to him but Taylor and Nerian both convinced him, after the first time when Gavin almost lost it and almost hurt him, that it wasn’t a good idea. Hayden was probably going through it worst than Gavin because all the guilt bore down on him, but Nerian was right, he should’ve told Gavin himself then maybe things would’ve gone smoother, or at least not as bad as they did. Gavin spent most of the nights after the incident crying in his bed. But he made sure that his parents weren’t listening. He didn’t want them to worry. He would just sob until his head throbbed and his chest was sore from all the pressure. But things got easier eventually. He was hanging out more with Nerian who tried really hard to cheer him up and get him back to his goofy self.  They went out with Nerian’s friends, which was really just a group of 4, Gavin included. They went to the movies, went laser tagging, went out to this place called The Rock which was this creek that, at its lowest point, was swimmable and had rocks where one could jump off of.  Nerian did a good job of helping Gavin get back on his feet. They were getting really close. And things only got better when Gavin finally joined volleyball, who Nerian was a manager of.


	9. Get Out Of My Dreams and Into My Arms Pt. 1

Things were good. Things were better. What with volleyball season coming up, Gavin got a lot brighter, and the weight of the whole ordeal started to lift, bit by bit. It was still hard and hurtful to see Hayden in the hallway and Gavin’s heart still sunk every time he turned the corner and saw Hayden walking towards him. But he had made some new friends, specifically those of the higher high school ladder. Nerian had given Gavin a chance to disperse himself within the junior class and gain some friends there. This was good, because the more friends he had in the higher classes, the easier it was to avoid Hayden when he tried to talk to their friends.

            Open gyms were being held for volleyball. It’s really nice; L.A in spring. Anyone who wants to stay after school, for anything, is showing some serious dedication. The reason being, that year L.A had the coldest winter. They actually got snow. That hasn’t happened in California for over 200 years. It was definitely amazing, but the snow kept piling up and everyone just wanted summer back. Californians aren’t used to cold. 20 C is enough for them; actually it may be stretching it a little far. But spring came and it brought the warmth and the awesome heat that they all missed. But Gavin was in the locker room, on a beautiful spring afternoon; in the dingy, sweat-smelling, hot, humid locker room of their school. He was getting dressed at the back of the locker room. He had taken gym class before and he didn’t mind stripping to his underwear in front of the guys, but he just decided he’d be better at the back, in the showers. He heard the door to the locker room open, over the chatting of everyone else that was in there.

            “Yo, have you seen Shawn?” a familiar voiced made itself known over the noise.

“Actually, yeah he just left, did you check outside? He might already be bouncing the ball around.”

            “Damn, I was so busy rushing I didn’t even think about looking for him on the court. Ard, thanks Mike.”

            It was Nerian’s voice. It was weird that Gavin could discern it through all the other chatter that was going on in the locker room. He was almost done getting changed, he wanted to at least say goodbye to Nerian before he left; even though he knew that he would be texting him later. He tried to reach him before he could step outside, but Nerian was gone when he turned the corner of the showers. He grabbed his bag, pushed the uniform inside, stuffing it and making the bag look inflated and like it was going to pop, and started walking out. He pushed through the first door and he felt the air lift a bit. The smell wasn’t as strong here. He pushed through the second door and the noise from the school invaded his personal space. That was something he could do without. The gym was getting packed, even though it was a nice day outside everyone seemed to be interested in the Volleyball open gyms that were being held there. Gavin squeezed himself through a group of people that were blocking the entrance onto the court that was basically just a part of the gym that had a net set up for them.

            He spotted Nerian who was talking to Shawn. Guess he found him. Gavin placed his bag on the wall that was facing the court and he asked one of his friends that were there if he could keep an eye on it. He turned to make sure that Nerian hadn’t left. He was still talking to Shawn. Gavin walked up to Nerian and tapped him on the shoulder. Nerian turned and saw Gavin, smiled and said, “What are you doing in the gym dude?”

            “Well I like Volleyball, so I thought I’d try my hand at the open gyms and see if I could make the team.”

“Oh so you like volleyball,” Nerian slyly stated and inquired, “Well I’ll have you know, I’ve been managing this team since my freshman days.”

            “Is that so? Well, I’ll have **_you_** know that I am known for my spikes, and awesome jumps.”

“Is that so?”

            “Yes, yes it is.”

“Ready to put your money where your mouth is?”

            “I’d love to see this,” said Shawn. “Don’t worry, if you want a spike, I’ll set you right up.”

            Gavin smiled. He knew that he was going to blow Nerian away with his spike. He got in the court; Shawn had made sure he was playing.

            “Yo! Hurry it up! I’ve got people waiting on me! And they’re pretty damn hungry, and they’re not the only ones!” Nerian shouted from the sidelines

“Calm thine tities!” Gavin shouted back.

            Everything was set. Shawn and Gavin were on the same team, all lined up and ready to set it up for Gavin. One of his teammates served the ball to the other side, it went over smoothly, visibly passing over the net and being volleyed twice before coming back, their libero received nicely and volleyed the ball to Shawn, who was in position right in front of Gavin to set the ball up for a pipe. Shawn connected with the ball, letting it roll off his fingertips, pushing straight up. Gavin readied himself, left foot in front of right, kneeling to get the maximum push off of the ground. He kept his eyes on the ball, watching as it gracefully cut through the air, reaching its highest point. He waited, he had done this a thousand times, watched the ball fall right before he spiked, he knew exactly when to move, when to catch the ball, which way to hit it. The ball stopped, he knew it reached its maximum height, he darted, carefully gauging his steps, the ball began to pick up speed. Gavin was right there, he was right below it, he jumped; all of the forward momentum of his run transformed into upward energy, he felt the energy give way to gravity and he lifted his right hand above his head. He felt the contact with the ball, full palm, “perfect” he thought. By the time the other team reacted, half of them were in awe as to how a kid that short had such a high jump. Gavin landed as gracefully as he had executed the pipe. He turned to Nerian who was the only one clapping.

            “Okay Icarus, I think I’ll stick around; don’t get nervous,” Nerian told Gavin, a smile forming on his face.

            Gavin laughed and sighed simultaneously, he took his shirt off; he was heating up from all the excitement. Nerian might have been watching, which was in part why he wanted to show off, but the coach was also looking, scrutinizing the open gyms looking for people that he thought were suitable to play on the team. Gavin had definitely impressed the coach with his spike, but he needed more than that to get on the team.

            When Gavin took his shirt off, Nerian was looking and this fire poured over his body. It was like his pores were forced open and he felt, embarrassed (?), but the good kind. He didn’t know what exactly it was that he was feeling, couldn’t specifically determine the feeling, but he knew that he couldn’t take his eyes off of Gavin and his body. He had never known that Gavin’s it was that defined, he had never seen it before and was very surprised by it. He left, he couldn’t stay there. Not with the temptation of staring at Gavin’s body while he played Volleyball.

            “No no, it’s cool. It is.” Nerian said, his face showing no emotion.

“No. No it isn’t.” said Millennia, his best friend.

            Nerian looked at her. He wasn’t angry, or upset. He was just… disappointed. He knew that it would happen. It happens to everyone.  One day you guys are best friends, really close, playing sports with each other, hanging out together, doing all the things people who like each other would normally do. Then, they’re gone, like they literally disappear from your life.

            “I just thought this one would be different, I thought this one would last longer. What’s wrong with me? Am I not worthy of love?” Nerian sighed, contemplating on the situation.

“You are. Don’t you ever think you aren’t. You are beautiful, and amazing, and full of life and vigor. Things don’t look good now, but they get better. It gets easier.”

            “I just. (sigh). I wanted this to last. I wanted it to pull through, I thought she was the one, I did. But then she goes and does that to me?”

“I’m sorry.”

            “I should’ve listened to you. I should’ve listened to what you were saying, and then none of this would’ve happened. And the worst part is, she did it over a text. Like, really? Didn’t have the courage to do it in person? Well fuck her; I don’t give a fuck anyway. She can roll over and die for all I care.”

“Well at least you have Athlai and me.”

            “I know. I just. I just wish my girlfriends would fucking stay. It’s whatever, I’ll get over it.”

 

            Now that all of the open gyms had been over, it was tryout day. The gym was packed, but all of the people who were trying out were already on the court. Coach Boyd had divided the attendees into degrees. Gavin safely made it into the higher degrees from what Coach Boyd had seen since the open gyms. There were a total of 4 teams, 2 were in the lower degrees and were going head-to-head. Coach would decide who he would choose from watching all of them play. Nerian was with Shawn and Coach when he saw Gavin, who looked very nervous. Nerian walked over to him; maybe he could offer some kind of advice to easy his nerves.

            “What are you nervous about dude, you’ll do fine, and you’re amazing.” Nerian said, patting Gavin on the back.

“I don’t know. I’ve never been this nervous in a tryout. I just really want to be a spiker for our school man. Nere, you have to help me.”

            “Well, okay… First you need to relax; stop being so tense, or else you’ll never make the team. Second, you need to just show the coach what you can do; I know you’re a great player, so just show him that as well.”

“But what if it isn’t enough? What if I’m not good enough?”

            “What do you think this is, the Olympics? This is a high school. You’ll make it. You’ve got the stuff, plus, I believe in you, I know you’ve got what it takes.”

            The match was ending and Nerian could feel the pressure build up for Gavin. He managed to calm down a little bit, but it wasn’t much. It helped though, it definitely helped. Gavin started as weak spiker (left side of the setter), he would urge the setter to toss to him, just to show the coach what he could do. His first couple of spikes were good. They made a dent in the point-gap, but the other team quickly became acclimated to Gavin’s moves. He was rotated to the back, which was his worst spot, he couldn’t serve too well. That was one of his weaknesses. His serve missed, and the opposing team got the ball. They returned and his other weakness came to light; receiving. Gavin had practiced so much, practiced receiving all he could, but he was bad at it. He was worse at receiving than he was at serving, and that was one part he didn’t want the coach to see. But it passed, and he was at the left again, he dominated the court. He was aggressive and it intimidated the team, both on his side and opposing. But he was a phenomenal spiker. It was his power. The way he moved, it wasn’t fast, but his power was what drove the ball home. He would break through the walls the other team would build. But he was too dominant, he didn’t give others a chance and the coach took note of that.

            Nerian was in the background, cheering for Gavin. Once the teams finished the match, Gavin’s team winning, because of his destructive power, Nerian, Coach, Shawn and the rest of the Varsity players congregated and were talking for a bit. The tryouts waited patiently. Coach called out a couple of names:

            **Starters:** Axel Lionheart, Azgad Albo, Bryce Calligan, Gavin Macintosh, Jay Swier, and James Sanders

 **Substitutes:** Gale Koval, Mason Seger, Flynn Goldwirth, and Kaine De Alba.

            Axel Lionheart was the setter on the opposing team. He was 5’7 (172 cm) calm, collected and had tremendous leadership ability. He was named the captain because of his overall well-roundedness ** _. (Setter 1)_**

            Azgad Albo was one of the blockers on Gavin’s team; he was the tallest of the bunch, coming in at 6’0 (183 cm). He was half Arabic and half German. But his temperament was all American. He would get really loud and hype when he scored or when someone else from his team scored. He had really good social skills and was focused and serious when it was needed. **_(Blocker 3)_**

            Bryce Calligan was the outside (right of the setter) spiker on the opposing team. He was 5’9 (177 cm) decisive, observant and lighthearted. He was always complimenting everyone on the court, no matter how good or bad. In his book, effort was enough. He was a great spiker, with great speed and accuracy, but he lacked the determination and the aggression needed to pull off the necessary spikes ** _. (Outside Spiker 5)_**

            Jay Swier is what you would call a chipmunk on crack, but he was definitely Ace material. He was just a little bit smaller than Axel, measuring 5’6 (170 cm) but his speed and will were incredible. He was fast on his feet, and overall, he was fast when it came to spiking a ball. He played weak spiker (left of the setter) and his most discernible ability was the ability to predict where the ball would be coming from, he could easily play Libero, but it was his heightened sense of the aura of the ball that made his spiking so impeccable ** _. (Weak Spiker 6 (Ace))_**

             James Sanders was the regular type of guy. He didn’t have much talent, and he wasn’t particularly amazing at any other skill in volleyball except for blocking. His blocks, though he was sort of on the short side, at 5’11 (181 cm), were the best on the team. He was good at reading the movements of the setters and the spikers of the opposing teams. He worked well with his other teammates to provide the wall that brings his team to victory and breaks the morale of the opposing team’s ace. **_(Blocker 8)_**

            Finally there was Gavin Powers Macintosh, the flying shrimp of the court. Ikarus (German) is what everyone called him. From that time that Nerian called him that because of his jumps. The name stuck. He was the shortest one on their team, coming in at 5’2 (164 cm). But his height definitely did not impede him from dominating the court. He was good. He was a good jumper and his spike’s power were off the charts, enough to smash through blocks. But he had a lot of things to work on; his teamwork, his receiving, his serving, and his overall ethics when it came to the court. He needed to learn that Volleyball was a team sport, and that he wasn’t the savior of anyone, the team only worked well if it worked together. **_(Libero 14)_**

            It was their first time as a team and they all made Junior Varsity. Naturally, the coach wanted to observe exactly what it was they needed work on as a whole, so he pinned them up against the Varsity team. They played valiantly, and the game got intense for a second, the Varsity team gaining control of the momentum after only a short time in a rally (when no one drops the ball so no one gets a point). It wasn’t expected that they would win, or even make it a really hard game for the Varsity players, but they lost 10-25. Pretty good, all things considered. Coach told them they would meet tomorrow afternoon to start practice.

            They all went to the locker room to change and Nerian followed Gavin.

“See, I told you you’d make the team.”

            “I’m a Libero. Why would coach ever put me as libero if he knew I suck at receiving.”

“Dude, lighten up, you might be Libero, but at least you made the team. So,” Nerian began walking out, “Hurry up! We’ve got to celebrate! I’ll be waiting outside!”

            Gavin got outside, his bag over his shoulder and when he looked up there was Nerian waiting with his friends; Shawn, Millennia, Athlai, Aponi, and Jasmine.

            “Let’s go.”

They left the school. It was late in the afternoon, close to 18:00 (6 p.m). They had all made plans to go to Qdoba after tryouts. Qdoba was this Mexican place that was not even 3 blocks away from their school. It was expensive, but it was totally worth it. They went there only to be joined by the Varsity team later on.

            “I thought Claudio and Andres were supposed to come with us,” Aponi asked.

“They’re probably making out in the school. I’ll shoot them a text, maybe they’ll take a long enough breath to look at it.” Athlai said.

            “I have to call my mom,” Gavin interjected.

“Okay.” Everyone said

“Mamãe? Benção. Sim, eu estou no equipe. Ele puseram-me no posição de Libero. Ta bem. Não. Eu estou com Nerian, vamos agora para comemorar. Ta bom mãe. Sim eu vou chegar pra casa mais tarde. Eu te ligo. Ta bom. Okay mom, okay. I love you too. Tchau.”

            “I love how I’m the only one who understood that.” Nerian said with a smile.

“You know Portuguese?” Gavin asked, sarcastically, genuinely confused.

            “Imma smack you.”

“Okay lovebirds, stop fighting,” said Jasmine.

            “What?!” Gavin and Nerian both looked at her, blushing, evidently, and really embarrassed.

            They finally made it to Qdoba and Nerian and Gavin were the first ones in line,

“I’ll pay for you, Ikarus. You made the team, think of it as my present to you.”

            Gavin blushed a little and accepted. They both got nachos, chips on the side, extra meat (Steak &Chicken) with extra Queso, extra Pico, and extra Guacamole. They took the booth at the corner of the store. Gavin sat down first, while Nerian went to get them their drinks. Coca-Cola for Gavin, Sprite for Nerian. By the time Nerian came back with the sodas, everyone else had already bought their food and made it to the booth with Gavin.

            They talked about the match, and Nerian couldn’t stop smiling when he looked at Gavin. He knew how excited he was to finally be on legitimate volleyball team. He guessed the position of Libero didn’t affect him as much as he thought it would. Gavin was talking about how the match against the Varsity player was hard and was a good taste of high school volleyball. The way he lit up when he talked about his passion made Nerian proud and the urge to grab his face and just kiss him was incessant.  

            After that conversation ended, everyone went to their own conversations. Claudio and Andres walked in, 15 minutes late, but nevertheless present. They were holding hands, they had only been dating for a month but everyone knew they were in love. They had been making eyes at each other since last year. The only thing everyone wondered was why it took so long for them to finally get together. Andres was the gentleman. He told Claudio to sit and he did all of the ordering and getting the drinks and everything. They sat in the booth behind us since there was no space in the current one.

            Nerian yawned and leaned his head against Gavin’s almost instinctively. He felt Gavin tense up under his head.

            “You okay?” Nerian asked

“Yeah yeah, I’m fine.” Gavin assured him

            They talked for a while. They ended up leaving Qdoba at 20:00 (8 p.m). But everyone noticed the chemistry between Gavin and Nerian. It was like this skinny love that neither wanted to admit. But they both knew they liked each other. And they were perfectly balancing opposites. Gavin loved volleyball and so did Nerian. The only reason he doesn’t play is because he studies a lot. But even though most managers don’t, he actually practices with the team. He gives them pointers and helps them better their technique. Nerian was a scholar at heart. He loved school, loved learning; especially new languages. Gavin was half Portuguese and half German which made Nerian crazier for him because he was learning both of those languages, though he had basically mastered Portuguese. All that needed to be said was that they liked each other. They were like Andres and Claudio, except Nerian wanted to push things forward; he wanted Gavin to be his. He had just broken up with his girlfriend, but it wasn’t like it was a big deal. Nerian had taken a more detached view of the world. He started being really cautious with people when it came to his feelings. But Gavin ripped that cautiousness away from him. It wasn’t like he wasn’t gay. He was bisexual, but he had never dated a boy. He had felt attractions before but Gavin made everyone he’s ever liked in the past fall way short. He just wanted to be with him.


	10. Get Out Of My Dreams and Into My Arms Pt. 2

Spring break came and the crew was hanging out. But when everyone went home, Gavin and Nerian would usually hang out by themselves, either playing volleyball or skating around. Gavin loved skating at night, he told Nerian that the cool air was soothing and it felt like all of the day’s problems were being smoothed over by the breeze.

            One night, Nerian texted Gavin to meet him at the park by his house; Nerian had a surprise for Gavin. Gavin waited until his parents were asleep and he snuck out from the house. It was 1 am, and the neighbourhood was quiet. But he could see the lights from downtown and he knew the city never sleeps. He was walking in the dark because most of the street lights were burned out. He got to the park and texted Nerian; he showed up with the surprise.

            Now the thing with Gavin was he was a typical boy. He **_loved_** cars. Every car he would see on the street he would point out. Nerian also liked cars, but it was mainly because of his older brother, who was a mechanic. Nerian had sold his Integra and invested in a new car.

            A 2001 Honda Civic SI, with airbag suspension, CCW whistlers, JDM front, K-swap roll cage, Takata seat belts, Bride racing seats, Momo steering wheel, K-tuned shift knob, Royal Blue paint job, polished rims, stretched tires, 50/50 tail lights, carbon fibre (hood, roof, trunk), JDM 3rd break light, fall mugen exhaust, Brembo brakes, drill slotted rudders, rope hook, front lips.

            “NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONO!!!!!!!!” Gavin screamed, getting closer to the car, smiling from ear to ear. He couldn’t stop touching it, admiring the smooth royal blue finish that seemed darker in the nighttime light.

Nerian parked the car right in front of him, getting out from the right side (It’s an imported car). He saw Gavin drooling over the carbon fibre trunk, roof and hood.

“Yeah, this was your surprise.” Nerian said, smiling brightly

            “Dude, oh. My. God. I don’t—I can’t— ** _Dude_**!!!” He couldn’t even formulate the words to express how in shock he was. “It’s not American; the steering wheel is on the right side! This is fucking awesome. I don’t know what to say.”

“Yeah, I steer with my left hand, so I got a European model.”

“How much did you invest in this car?!”

“30...” Nerian said, scratching the back of his head, smiling sheepishly

            “YOU SPENT 30 THOUSAND DOLLARS ON THIS CAR?!”

“It was totally worth it though. Get in, look inside, that’s where the real beauty is.”

            “Hell yes!” Gavin said, running to the other side of the car and getting in.

 Gavin’s expression just kept getting better and better. His eyes got wide when he went in and saw the Bride seats and the Takata seat belts and he roll cage and the shift knob. He jumped in and straight up strapped so quick. He was feeling the seats, looking at the roll cage and feeling the shift knob. Meanwhile, Nerian was looking at him and burst out laughing. He looked like a kid in a museum. Touching everything he could, wide eyed and curious. He was absorbing the awesomeness of the car and it was like he couldn’t shut his eyes because it would all be gone too quickly.

            Nerian strapped his seat belt in and revved the car. It made a loud, dull roaring sound, heightening and breaking pitch when it passed three thousand rmp (Revolutions per minute). Nerian revved it again and he looked to Gavin whose face lit up. He liked it when Gavin smiled; it was innocent and pure; lighthearted and childish.

“Where do you want to go?” Nerian asked

            “I don’t know somewhere where we can see this bad boy run. What’s her name?”

“I’m thinking Andronika. It’s Greek for ‘victory of a warrior.’”

            “Leave it to you to pick a name as significant as that. But I like it.”

Nerian handed Gavin the aux cord and told him to grab his phone and go to his “Trap01” playlist and scroll to the song titled “Batman”. While Gavin unlocked the phone and was looking for the music, Nerian had made his way out of the park and onto the street. He was going towards the highway; he figured he’d take them to Gallows’ Hill, which, despite its name, is actually a really nice place. It’s a little far, maybe some 20-25 minutes away from where they lived. To get in, you had to go down this one giant road that basically leads into the woods. There was no cell signal, and there were no streetlights, but even with the darkness and without the service Gallows’ Hill was perfect for stargazing. Many people go there to swim because of the creek that runs through it. But Nerian knew this one spot, where the light pollution from the city had the least effect and the forest opened up to this wide field filled with giant boulders. Luckily you were allowed to take cars there, though he preferred to leave Andronika in the parking lot.

            The song started playing, it was only beats, and it followed the typical pattern; crescendo with soft, mellow beats, slowly increasing in tempo and bass until it reached the climax and then the beat drops and unfolds an ungodly tune that either knocks you on your ass or completely disgusts you. Batman was no exception, the tune in the beginning was low and dark, and it had the sounds of a cityscape. It had the cars honking and the overall background noise that follows a big city. When the beat dropped, the bass was so strong that the mirrors on the side of the car began to tremble. Gavin looked at Nerian with a face of utter amazement, but they had to turn down the speakers since it was at night and he didn’t want to get a ticket. Nerian was a really good driver and he knew how to race. So he accustomed to going at least 10 miles above the speed limit. They could make it to Gallows’ Hill in 10 minutes if he had no traffic and a smooth passage.

            “Where are we going?” Gavin screamed over the now lowered music that was still too loud to let anyone speak normally.

Nerian turned the music down to an easy listening volume. “Gallows’ Hill, you wanted somewhere where we’d be able to test her out, well on our way. Just wait till we get on the highway.” Nerian said, determined.

            They got to the highway and the traffic was flowing freely. He was going 90 on a 60 mph highway. He had really nice control and it showed from how he would cut people off, or sneak in through tight spots to get where he was going faster. A Jaguar signaled his lights at him. Nerian had to keep the windows rolled down because it was night and his windows were too dark to see through them when it was that dark. They raced, Nerian getting behind the Jaguar because there was no other way he could move. He kicked the car into 3rd gear and he was right behind it. Gavin’s heart was beating through his chest from the exhilaration of the race. The Jaguar breaked right in front of them, screeching hard. Nerian slammed the breaks too, using one hand to hold Gavin back. He kicked the car in reverse and then managed to move around the Jaguar before it had any time to do anything. With that, they high fived each other and continued to Gallows’ Hill. Nerian had been going so fast that he didn’t even need to accelerate anymore. He put the car in neutral and they were cruising until they got to the Gallows’ Hill exit. Nerian took it and slowed the car down.

            They were on Lincoln Avenue, the forest on their right side. They were both singing along to Migraine by Twenty One Pilots.

            “ _I've got a migraine and my pain will range from up, down, and sideways,_  
Thank God it's Friday 'cause Fridays will always,  
Be better than Sundays 'cause Sundays are my suicide days,  
I don't know why they always seem so dismal,  
Thunderstorms, clouds, snow, and a slight drizzle,  
Whether it's the weather or the letters by my bed,  
Sometimes death seems better than the migraine in my head,  
Let it be said what the headache represents,  
It's me defending in suspense, it's me suspended in a defenseless test,  
Being tested by a ruthless examinant that's represented best by my depressing,  
Thoughts, I do not have writer's block, my writer just hates the clock,  
It will not let me sleep, I guess I'll sleep when I'm dead,  
And sometimes death seems better than the migraine in my head.”, they sung in sync.

            Nerian turned right onto the road that leads to Gallows’ Hill and all he could think about was how immense the darkness was in front of them. How dense and devoid of light the forest had become. But how simultaneously beautiful it was. How something could glow and shine without any light. That’s why Nerian loved Gallows’ Hill, it was the closest he could get to nature in L.A. He turned his headlights on and turned the music down a little bit.

            “What’d you do that for?” Gavin asked

“I need to see.” Nerian said, squinting his eyes, trying not to run anything over, or hurt Andronika.

            “Okay, Patrick*.” Gavin said, reaching for the knob, chuckling to himself

Nerian was still trying to focus and he reached for the knob, to put the music down a little more. They both etched closer until they touched each other. Nerian felt his hand, it was soft, and he didn’t want to move it. He was still focusing on the road but he took a quick side glance and saw Gavin pull his hand away.

            “I’m sorry. I’m sorry!” Gavin said, blushing obviously.

“It’s cool, don’t worry about it.” Nerian assured him, giving him a warm smile but not taking his eyes off of the road.

They had almost reached the spot. It was hidden so it took Nerian a little longer to find it. But he did eventually and he left Andronika in the parking lot, so they walked all the way to the spot. Neither boy cared so they threw themselves on the grass and looked up. There was a nice breeze and the field went on for miles and miles, it was hill-y and uneven but it made for a beautiful sight. Even though it wasn’t a full moon, there were no clouds in the sky and the moonlight pierced and reflected off of the boulders. The soothing wind made the grass dance in a melodious rhythm. They bent and swayed joyously, naturally. The boulders decorated the landscape as if someone had placed them there for show. Nerian loved nature; it was art in its purest form. He looked at Gavin, who was taking everything in, breathing in the breeze, filling his lungs with the light air, and looking out into the distance, looking for more beauty in this already beautiful landscape.

            They both leaned back, reposed on the soft blades of grass, looking at the starts. They were quiet for a long time, until Gavin broke the silence.

            “Whatcha’ thinking about over there?” He said, not breaking his gaze from the sky.

“A lot of things; I don’t want to say, they’ll bore you.”

            “Humour me.”

“I don’t know. It’s just… You look at the stars and they make you think about who you are. I saw this show once, called Being Human, and there were these monologues each character had; so one of the monologues that I vividly remember went, ‘ ** _When the end comes rushing up at you, and everything that you thought was real starts to fall away, you consider the meaning of the life that you lived and you realize that the only thing that means a damn thing at the end is what you loved. And you think of who you loved and you let it take you home_**.’ Sometimes I’m afraid that I won’t get to live my life the way I want to. There’s so much pressure from everyone around me, telling me what to do, telling me what’s right and what’s wrong. But I know, I know inside of my soul that I am good. I know that I am capable of love and that I deserve love, so why am I always asking myself the same question? If I’m so sure that I can make things right, why do I always find myself itching at the same wound?”

            “I know how you feel.” Gavin said, turning his head a little to make eye contact with Nerian.

“I don’t think I’m a bad person. I always did everything I could to the best of my abilities. Though I admit, I can get a bit ego-centric and arrogant when it comes to sports, but that’s just how I play. After what happened with Hayden I spent a lot of time thinking to myself what I did to deserve this. I know that some people think that it’s not a big deal, that he was just one person. But I thought he was **_my_** person. It’s like these people walk into your life and they change how you view the world and you show the innermost parts of you; the rawest, the darkest. Expose everything you promised yourself you’d never show anyone. Because you feel it, you _feel_ that it’s going to be different. It’s like you give them a map of how to destroy your very being and hope that they don’t. It’s stupid I tell you, trust.”

“Hayden was stupid for cheating on you. He was lucky to have you as his boyfriend and he was stupid for doing what he did at the party. And I’m sorry that you still feel that way. You’re completely justified in your feelings. That’s the thing about humans, no matter how hard we try, we can never truly understand each other. The fact that all we see is what **_we_** limits us to consider other people’s emotions. So don’t feel bad that you’re still hurting, you never really get rid of the pain; you just make more room and learn to live with it.”

            They were quiet again. Nerian didn’t want to overwhelm Gavin with his philosophy, if there was something that boy could do; it was think. He was always trying to find the other side to everything. He knew Gavin was smart, but he didn’t want to weird him out with his philosophical mombogumbo. Nerian turned to Gavin, looking at the smaller boy, deep in pensive thought, with his brows a little furrowed. Nerian found Gavin’s thinking face so cute, he couldn’t help but stare.

            Gavin turned his face, and Nerian didn’t even notice, he was too blinded by the way the slightest hint of moonlight hit the boulders and seemed to illuminate Gavin’s spot perfectly.

            “What are you looking at dude?” Gavin said smiling.

“You, who else.” Nerian stated. He got up, walked over to Gavin and threw himself across his torso.

            “Yo what the hell?!” Gavin said, giggling.

“Wrestle me.” Nerian said perking his head up to look at Gavin.

            “What?”

“Wrestle me. Get up and wrestle me.”

            “Why?”

“Because that’s how I bond. Get up.”

            Nerian got up and extended his hand out for Gavin, who was still looking at him a little perplexed, but he took Nerian’s hand and he was pulled up to his feet. Nerian smiled a little deceptively, slouching a bit forward, getting into a wrestling position. Gavin just stood there, still confused at what was going on. Nerian straightened out and gave Gavin a straight stare. Gavin tried to copy him but he didn’t know what was happening so he couldn’t really do it well. Nerian taught him how to start. They both started slouching forward, looking at their opponent. Nerian’s right hand would be extended all the way, touching Gavin’s shoulder. His left hand would fit on the crease in Gavin’s arm, where the elbow bends. Gavin would do the opposite. His left hand would fit on Nerian’s crease and his right hand would be extended all the way until it touched Nerian’s shoulder.

            This was a weird position for Gavin since he has never done wrestling formally before.

“Don’t worry, I’m not a wrestler, it’s just something I do to bond with people. Though I’d like to think I’m kind of good at it.”

            Gavin smiled and nodded. They both stared at each other, waiting for the other’s move. When Nerian saw Gavin’s eyes move he took his chance. He stepped in and planted his right leg behind Gavin, taking his right arm and pushing back and tripping him over his leg. Gavin was going to hit the ground, but Nerian knew that sparring meant no one is supposed to intentionally get hurt. He stopped Gavin before he reached the ground.

            “Okay. That was good, but you only got me because I was distracted.” Gavin said, justifying his loss.

“Just get back in position and we’ll try this again.” Nerian motioned, smiling.

            They got back into position and it happened again. Nerian wasn’t a wrestler but he did Tae Kwon Do when he was younger and he was a good fighter. He had left the gym 4 years ago though; personal reasons. He knew when to react and how to do it. He knew when to take his chance. But as they kept repeating it, Gavin got used to it and was able to dodge the placement of Nerian’s foot behind him. He slid under Nerian’s arm and got behind him. He was definitely stronger than Nerian so he tried to get him in a bear hug. He managed to lock his hands in place, but Nerian knew how to escape one of those. He threw his arms up and out, simultaneously spreading his legs. He broke Gavin’s lock and he reached between his legs, grabbing one of Gavin’s and pulling with a little force until he knocked him off of his feet. Gavin, lying on the ground, before Nerian could turn around jumped on his back. But Nerian flipped him over himself and he wanted Gavin to stay down so when Gavin landed, his head at Nerian’s feet, Nerian flipped over him and grabbed both of his hands. Gavin, with Nerian lying on top of him, pinning him down struggled to get out, but he couldn’t. Nerian got up, realizing that Gavin had given up.

            “Okay. I’ll admit, you’re good. But fight me lower to the ground and I bet I’ll be able to overpower you.”

            Nerian said okay. He reposed on his back, and he motioned for Gavin to get on top of him. He told him, “I’ll give you five seconds to make me tap out, and if not I’ll break out of whatever hold you’ve got me in and I’ll make you tap out.” Gavin agreed and he came and positioned himself on top of Nerian. Gavin felt a little weird, being on top of Nerian, but he also didn’t mind it. Nerian on the other hand was enjoying having Gavin on top of him. It wasn’t a weird type of feel-good. He really just wanted to grab Gavin’s head and lay it on his chest and just stay there. But he said go and Gavin tried to grab Nerian’s legs and bend them in an awkward way but Nerian forced his leg back to normal and Gavin’s five seconds were gone. Gavin turned to look at Nerian when he heard the “time’s up”. Nerian locked his right leg over Gavin’s leg and lifted his hips, taking him off balance; he pushed sideways and flipped him over. He was on top and Gavin was under him.

            Nerian grabbed both of Gavin’s arms and pinned them above his head. It was dark, but he could see those hazel eyes, like a sea with mixing brown and blue. It was beautiful, and he couldn’t stop himself. He leaned in closely for a kiss. He got closer and he could feel Gavin’s breath, the warmth and the heat from his body. He pressed his lips to Gavin’s. And damn him if that wasn’t the best kiss he’s ever had. It was like his mind exploded, his head was throbbing, and he pressed his eyes shut because it was too much. His heart was in his ears but he didn’t want to let go. It lasted; it felt short to the both of them. But Gavin melted into it. Grabbing Nerian’s head softly with his hand and rubbing the back of his head a little. Gavin tapped the back of Nerian’s head and Nerian smiled, breaking the kiss.

            “Guess you did make me tap out.” Gavin said, still holding on to Nerian’s head.

“Told you.” Nerian said, getting up and tossing himself backwards and landing on his back.

            It wasn’t awkward or anything. Because they had both been waiting for that for a really long time. Nerian never wanted to make the first move because he wasn’t sure if Gavin was ready to start liking someone else, he didn’t know if he was still raw from Hayden. But he did, damn him, he fucking did it. And he knew now that Gavin felt the same way. It was good. But Nerian suggested he take Gavin home. Gavin agreed. Things were different now. After that, they never really kissed. Never even talked about it formally. When they were driving back Gavin grabbed Nerian’s hand. He made the first move, something he had never thought he’d do. But Nerian made him feel comfortable and chill.

            They did however sneak out a lot. Most of the time without a destination, sometimes they would go to Gallows’ Hill, sometimes they would just drive around, get ice creams or go sightseeing. They would crack the music up and roll down the windows, let the wind enter the car, swirl around them. They would go to skate parks late at night, when there was no one there. They didn’t kiss again for a really long time, and it didn’t bother any of them, though Nerian was dying to touch that face again. But they would hold hands, and get really close when the stars were poking through the sky and the moon was illuminating the heavens. It was chill and good vibes all around.   


End file.
